Reality hit today. It hit hard. I knew this was coming, but I didn't realize how quickly the end of the year was approaching: 39 day school days.
What does this mean?
39 days left of my first year of teaching.
39 days to make an impact on lives of these students.
39 days to create a tiny spark of love for literature and the subject of English.
39 days left of working with amazing colleagues that I have been so fortunate to work with my first year of teaching-- no words can express how lucky and blessed I have been.
39 days of fun in the lounge during lunch.
What else does this mean?
39 days to figure out my life.
What?! Although this door in this district and this job has shut another door will opening soon. Right now, as I sit and write this, I don't feel too encouraged about the job situation in Washington, but I have seen districts out of state are hiring. Believe me when I say that I am looking, and me moving could possibly be a reality. I don't feel as if I have a future if I stay here, probably because they have laid me off. However, I just feel like I am in a rut without many choices, and it is truly frustrating.
I have done everything right, it seems. Graduated high school. Got scholarships. Was active and busy during college. Graduated with college with, basically, two degrees. Worked hard at my "internship" aka student teaching. Persistent to find a job this fall. Applied 20 various places without even a phone call for an interview. Last day before school starting got a call. Worked hard "long-term subbing" to get a job. They want to hire me back, but can't. Something seems extremely wrong with this picture. And next year, the rumors have been said that cuts will be more in Washington-- that this year will be nothing compared to next.
Should I take a risk? It doesn't seem like a "me" type of thing. I would step out of my comfort zone, for sure. I think it could be a great opportunity to challenge myself in many aspects of my life. I have always wanted to move...move out of state for whatever reason. As my seniors are ending their year they are reading A Lesson Before Dying. This book is about a man on death row, and what it means to die with dignity. I am going to have my students compare the theme of A Lesson Before Dying to The Buried Life by Matthew Arnold (poem) which talks about uncovering life. If you have ever watched MTV there has been a spin off of this title where four boys made a bucket list (so to speak) and are finishing the 100 things they want to do before they die. For every item they accomplish on their list they help someone else accomplish their goal or want. Well I am going to have my seniors make a list and explain the most important ones they want to do, and a plan for getting there (there is a huge lesson, I don't know I can explain in a couple sentences).
Where I am going with this... I don't want to regret not challenging or not doing something I have always wanted to do. It could be an ultimate success or failure, but I know God will be there to help pick me up if it flops.
"Every morning is a fresh beginning. Everyday is the world made new. Today is a new day. Today is my world made new. I have lived all my life up to this moment to this day. This moment-- this day-- is as good as any moment in all eternity. I shall make of this day- each moment of this day a new heaven on earth. This is my day of opportunity."
Needless to say...
39 days to figure out my life.
2 comments:
It sounds like your last lesson is as much for yourself as for your students. Taking that leap takes such courage, but you can do it! I wish Oregon was in better shape, so I could get you to move down here and teach in Bend, but the districts here are in worse shape than Washington. Good luck!
What's on your bucket list? Hope all is well and just in case you were wondering, the school I am working at will be hiring within the next month... just something to think about if you want to take that step "out of state!" Love you and miss you. Please tell the family I said hello. Best wishes!!!
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